Mini Safe Baby Handling Kit

  • Filename: mini-safe-baby-handling-kit.
  • ISBN: 0762425091
  • Release Date: 2005-10
  • Number of pages: 32
  • Author: ANONIMO
  • Publisher: Running PressBook Pub

Makes new parenthood a blast! Included here are hilarious "do's and don'ts" on caring for your bundle of joy, a small "Who's gonna do it?" spinner to help parents negotiate childrearing duties, and other components that will keep moms and dads laughing during the sleepless nights.

The New Parents Fun Book

  • Filename: the-new-parents-fun-book.
  • ISBN: 0762432314
  • Release Date: 2008
  • Number of pages: 111
  • Author: David Sopp
  • Publisher: Running Press

Crossword puzzles, mazes, quizzes, and other fun activities are compiled in an amusing illustrated workbook designed for new parents to track and record the wonderful, wacky, and wild events of their baby's first year of life. 50,000 first printing.

How Not to Kill Your Baby

  • Filename: how-not-to-kill-your-baby.
  • ISBN: 9781449410391
  • Release Date: 2012-03-20
  • Number of pages: 144
  • Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein
  • Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing

"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.

The Nine A Pregnancy Countdown Journal

  • Filename: the-nine-a-pregnancy-countdown-journal.
  • ISBN: 9780307886415
  • Release Date: 2011-11-01
  • Number of pages: 144
  • Author: Kelly Sopp
  • Publisher: Clarkson Potter

Featuring nine colorful tabbed sections to correspond to each month, this journal offers smart prompts to help a busy mom-to-be capture all those important milestones and funny moments before pregnancy amnesia sets in. You’ll find pages for writing about the first time the baby flutter, space to vent about the crazy and unsolicited advice you’ve been getting, and monthly “check-in” pages for belly photos and quick notes about whatever particular thoughts and feelings this special time brings to mind.

Welcome to the Club

  • Filename: welcome-to-the-club.
  • ISBN: 9781452157627
  • Release Date: 2016-09-20
  • Number of pages: 144
  • Author: Raquel D'Apice
  • Publisher: Chronicle Books

From the comedian behind the popular parenting blog The Ugly Volvo comes a refreshing spin on the baby milestone book. Instead of a place to lovingly capture the first time baby sleeps through the night, this book shows what it's like the first time baby rolls off the bed/sofa/changing table, leaving mom or dad in a state of pure terror (it happens). These 100 rarely documented but all-too-realistic milestones—such as "First Time Baby Says a Word You Didn't Want Her to Say"—provide comfort, solidarity, and comic relief for new parents. Laugh-out-loud relatable text and distinctive illustrations of these "bad" parenting moments make this a must-have book for anyone entering the mysterious club of parenthood.

Eats Poops Leaves

  • Filename: eats-poops-leaves.
  • ISBN: 9780307420633
  • Release Date: 2007-12-18
  • Number of pages: 192
  • Author: Adam Wasson
  • Publisher: Crown Archetype

Because What You Don’t Know, Will Embarrass You. What should you do if your baby shrieks at a wedding or “stealth vomits” on an innocent bystander? How can you use your child to avoid old friends you never liked in the first place? Is there a polite way to encourage cash baby-shower gifts or determine whether or not your babysitter is insane? Are there special rules for parentally impaired drivers? Eats, Poops & Leaves has the answers to all these questions and more, offering polite yet innovative solutions to the etiquette situations—from the mundane to the bizarre—that confront all new parents, including: Travel Etiquette: What to do when your baby screams on a plane Workplace Etiquette: How to use your child (or your friend's!) as an excuse for tardiness and incompetence Beauty Etiquette: Do strangers confuse your bald baby girl for a boy? We've got solutions. Lots of books teach you how to change diapers, but this is the first book that will help you trick your spouse into doing it. At last, a hip, hysterical, illustrated etiquette guide to the things new parents really need to know. From the Trade Paperback edition.

Experimenting with Babies

  • Filename: experimenting-with-babies.
  • ISBN: 9781101599693
  • Release Date: 2013-10-01
  • Number of pages: 224
  • Author: Shaun Gallagher
  • Publisher: Penguin

Babies can be a joy—and hard work. Now, they can also be a 50-in-1 science project kit! This fascinating and hands-on guide shows you how to re-create landmark scientific studies on cognitive, motor, language, and behavioral development—using your own bundle of joy as the research subject. Simple, engaging, and fun for both baby and parent, each project sheds light on how your baby is acquiring new skills—everything from recognizing faces, voices, and shapes to understanding new words, learning to walk, and even distinguishing between right and wrong. Whether your little research subject is a newborn, a few months old, or a toddler, these simple, surprising projects will help you see the world through your baby’s eyes—and discover ways to strengthen newly acquired skills during your everyday interactions.

New Baby Sanity Checks

  • Filename: new-baby-sanity-checks.
  • ISBN: 9780307886385
  • Release Date: 2011-04
  • Number of pages: 60
  • Author: Kelly Sopp
  • Publisher: Potter Style

The perfect gift for parents who have just had a new baby and need a little comic relief to help balance their sanity - not to mention new responsibilities. Celebrate new parenthood (And The power of delegation) with this chequebook full of playful (and useful) U.O.MEs for mums and dads to dole out to each other for a variety of occasions new parents will encounter (U.O.ME: a poopy diaper change, a middle-of-the-night feeding, An hour of being a pure couch potato, a morning of sleeping in!). Written and designed by the founders of Wry Baby, a baby gift company, these cheques are breezy, clever, and humorous, providing new parents with the support and laughs they need during this exciting time.

Parenting Is Easy

  • Filename: parenting-is-easy.
  • ISBN: 9780761187134
  • Release Date: 2015-10-06
  • Number of pages: 176
  • Author: Sara Given
  • Publisher: Workman Publishing

Imagine a world where pregnant women are always upbeat and glowing, newborns sleep on cue, toddlers love to have their teeth brushed, and teenagers gaze adoringly at their parents. Impossible, you say? Not according to advertisers who flood the web with stock photos of perfect parents and children. They’d have you believe that parenting is a piece of cake, and every significant moment of family life takes place on a spotless white couch. So when Sara Given, a real mother of a real toddler, saw a picture of a radiant new mother in a cute little sundress breastfeeding her newborn in the middle of a golf course, she finally had enough. She launched a Tumblr, which is now visited by tens of thousands of new parents looking for a daily pick-me-up. Because what better way is there to deal with the stress and strain of being a new parent than laughter? The perfect gift of cheer and solidarity, Parenting Is Easy exploits the disconnect between these preposterous photos and what happens in real life, and makes every reader laugh out loud—and feel better, too, because we’re in on the joke.

Reasons My Kid Is Crying

  • Filename: reasons-my-kid-is-crying.
  • ISBN: 9780804139847
  • Release Date: 2014-04-01
  • Number of pages: 208
  • Author: Greg Pembroke
  • Publisher: Three Rivers Press

A glimpse into the tribulations of parenting that is part documentary, part therapy, and completely hilarious. It all started when busy father Greg Pembroke posted a few pictures online of his three-year-old son, mid-tantrum, alongside the reason his son was crying: He had broken his bit of cheese in half. In Reasons My Kid is Crying, Greg collects together photos sent from parents around the world, documenting the many, completely logical reasons why small children cry. Among them: “I let him play on the grass” . . . “He ran out of toys to throw into his pool” . . . “The neighbor’s dog isn’t outside”. The result is both an affectionate portrait of the universal, baffling logic of toddlers—and a reminder for burned-out parents everywhere that they are not alone.

Baby s First Tattoo

  • Filename: baby-s-first-tattoo.
  • ISBN: 9781476709611
  • Release Date: 2012-09-25
  • Number of pages: 80
  • Author: Jim Mullen
  • Publisher: Simon and Schuster

MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THINK CHILDREN ARE THE CUTEST, CUDDLIEST, MOST WONDERFUL, SAINTLY CREATURES IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. THESE PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NICE THINGS. THEY COLLECT FRAGILE POTTERY. THEY HAVE CANDLELIT DINNERS IN FANCY RESTAURANTS. THEY GO TO MOVIES. THEY HAVE WHITE CARPETS. PEOPLE WITH SMALL CHILDREN HAVEN'T BEEN TO A RESTAURANT WITHOUT PLASTIC SILVERWARE IN YEARS. THE LAST MOVIE THEY SAW IN A THEATER IS NOW ON AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS. THEIR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS DECORATED BY PEE-WEE HERMAN. BABY'S FIRST TATTOO IS FOR THEM. For years parents have been buying baby books to document all the precious moments in their new baby's life -- Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Haircut, Baby's First Step. What have been ignored for too long are those "alternative" precious moments that really should be written down, celebrated, and remembered -- Baby's First Projectile Vomit, Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's 10,000th Dirty Diaper. Otherwise you might forget them and think of becoming parents once again.

The Inappropriate Baby Book

  • Filename: the-inappropriate-baby-book.
  • ISBN: 0740727230
  • Release Date: 2002-09-02
  • Number of pages: 32
  • Author: Jennifer Stinson
  • Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing

A real book for real parents, this title offers a unique and hysterical way to commemorate those decidedly "non"-Kodak moments that compose the better part of the newborn experience.

The Baby Owner s Manual

  • Filename: the-baby-owner-s-manual.
  • ISBN: 1931686238
  • Release Date: 2003
  • Number of pages: 226
  • Author: Louis Borgenicht
  • Publisher: Quirk Books

Offers a whimsical approach to baby care that likens the newest member of the family to a machine needing extra-special care, in a guide that features schematic diagrams for such "maintenance" techniques as getting a baby to sleep through the night and taking a baby to a doctor for "servicing." Original. 30,000 first printing.

Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

  • Filename: parenting-illustrated-with-crappy-pictures.
  • ISBN: 9781460309865
  • Release Date: 2013-04-01
  • Number of pages: 224
  • Author: Amber Dusick
  • Publisher: Harlequin

"The drawings aren't very good, Mama." —Crappy Boy, age 5 Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.

Let s Panic About Babies

  • Filename: let-s-panic-about-babies.
  • ISBN: 9781429991346
  • Release Date: 2011-03-01
  • Number of pages: 272
  • Author: Alice Bradley
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin

BABIES. Maybe you're thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you've already got one around the house, somewhere, and you're responsible for its continued survival. You're saddled with a helpless being whom you've agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less. Either way, you're confused, you're frightened, and 911 won't take your calls anymore. But don't despair! Let's Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including: - How can I be sure I'm pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.) - Did I just pee myself? (Yes.) - What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.) - How can I tell if I've chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can't pronounce "stethoscope.") - How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.) From the moment they're created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby's first steps. They know everything!

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