Confessions of a Scary Mommy

  • Filename: confessions-of-a-scary-mommy.
  • ISBN: 9781451673784
  • Release Date: 2012-04-03
  • Number of pages: 176
  • Author: Jill Smokler
  • Publisher: Simon and Schuster



Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy

  • Filename: confessions-of-a-scary-mommy.
  • ISBN: 9781451673777
  • Release Date: 2012-04-03
  • Number of pages: 168
  • Author: Jill Smokler
  • Publisher: Simon and Schuster



An irreverent assessment of the dark side of parenting combines original essays and anonymous confessions as posted on the ScaryMommy.com site to encourage women to embrace their own parenting approaches without competing with other moms who only seem to have everything under control.

Motherhood Comes Naturally and Other Vicious Lies

  • Filename: motherhood-comes-naturally-and-other-vicious-lies.
  • ISBN: 9781476728384
  • Release Date: 2013-04-09
  • Number of pages: 176
  • Author: Jill Smokler
  • Publisher: Simon and Schuster



From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.

Moms Who Drink and Swear

  • Filename: moms-who-drink-and-swear.
  • ISBN: 9781101650943
  • Release Date: 2013-04-02
  • Number of pages: 336
  • Author: Nicole Knepper
  • Publisher: Penguin



If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

I Heart My Little A Holes

  • Filename: i-heart-my-little-a-holes.
  • ISBN: 9780062341617
  • Release Date: 2014-04-08
  • Number of pages: 304
  • Author: Karen Alpert
  • Publisher: Harper Collins



Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Sh tty Mum

  • Filename: sh-tty-mum.
  • ISBN: 9781444755213
  • Release Date: 2012-09-13
  • Number of pages: 224
  • Author: Mary Ann Zoellner
  • Publisher: Hachette UK



Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.

From Mom to Me Again

  • Filename: from-mom-to-me-again.
  • ISBN: 9781492618447
  • Release Date: 2016-07-05
  • Number of pages: 224
  • Author: Melissa Shultz
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.



Live your best life—even after your kids leave home When her children left for college, Melissa Shultz was certain that she had prepared them well for their new lives-but her own life was a different matter entirely. Her house was empty, her purpose unclear. If her life was no longer dominated by the day-to-day demands of being "Mom," then who exactly was she? And how would she ever move forward? From Mom to Me Again is the story of one woman's reinvention. Shultz's struggle with the empty nest and the transformation of her marriage, friendships, career, and ultimately herself, is part memoir and part self-help guide. Funny, poignant, and practical, this book tells Shultz's personal story and provides valuable advice for readers preparing to send their children off into the world. She shows women that while they'll always be mothers, it's time for them to take center stage in their own lives once again.

The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets

  • Filename: the-bigger-book-of-parenting-tweets.
  • ISBN: 0996226206
  • Release Date: 2015-04-10
  • Number of pages: 216
  • Author: Kim Bongiorno
  • Publisher:



Following the enormous success of their first book, "The Big Book of Parenting Tweets," Science of Parenthood and Kate Hall are back with "The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets," featuring EVEN MORE of the funniest parents on Twitter! Venturing deep into the Twitterverse in search of even more hilarity, those intrepid editors discovered more than FIFTY of the funniest comedians who just happen to be parents. Together with still more of Science of Parenthood's signature cartoons and special "behind the tweets" stories, Book Two is BIGGER ... it's BOLDER ... and gosh darn it, people LIKE it! Praise for The Big Book of Parenting Tweets: "The perfect book for parents who want -- NEED -- to laugh, but don't have time to sit down and read a daunting book. Grab it, head to the bathroom and lock the door until they find you!" - Jill Smokler, author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy "The Big Book of Parenting Tweets dishes up bite-size nuggets of funny. Impossible to read just one." - Jen Mann, author of "People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges" "This book is HILARIOUS. Being a parent is a frustrating, hilarious, weird, wild experience. This book captures some of the best of our snark. You need it. You do." - Nicole Knepper, author of "Moms Who Drink and Swear" A terrific read, featuring some of the funniest (and most honest) parents in the Twitterverse... my go-to gift for new parents! - Johanna Stein, author of "How Not To Calm A Child On A Plane and Other Parenting Advice from a Questionable Source" Here is just a peek at some of what you'll find inside: I don't believe in spanking my children, but I do believe in flipping them off from the other room. - Jewel Nunez (@OneFunnyMummy) Me prying a toy hammer from my 4yo: "Stop. It's not hammer time!" Parenting is lonely when nobody's there to hear your outdated references. - Full Metal Mommy (@FullMetalMommy) The saddest thing I have ever seen is watching my son trying to carve a Playstation 3 out of a giant lump of coal on Christmas. - Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) All restaurants should have a $200 cover charge for babies. - Rodney Lacroix (@Moooooog35) No, honey. The deer is just sleeping. They tied him down so he wouldn't fall off the top of their Ford Explorer. - Linda Doty (@LindaInDisguise)

Listen to Your Mother

  • Filename: listen-to-your-mother.
  • ISBN: 9780698157644
  • Release Date: 2015-04-07
  • Number of pages: 256
  • Author: Ann Imig
  • Publisher: Penguin



Irreverent, thought-provoking, hilarious, and edgy: a collection of personal stories celebrating motherhood, featuring #1 New York Times bestselling authors Jenny Lawson and Jennifer Weiner, and many other notable writers. Listen to Your Mother is a fantastic awakening of why our mothers are important, taking readers on a journey through motherhood in all of its complexity, diversity, and humor. Based on the sensational national performance movement, Listen to Your Mother showcases the experiences of ordinary people of all racial, gender, and age backgrounds, from every corner of the country. This collection of essays celebrates and validates what it means to be a mother today, with honesty and candor that is arrestingly stimulating and refreshing. The stories are raw, honest, poignant, and sometimes raunchy, ranging from adoption, assimilation to emptying nests; first-time motherhood, foster-parenting, to infertility; single-parenting, LGBTQ parenting, to special-needs parenting; step-mothering; never mothering, to surrogacy; and mothering through illness to mothering through unsolicited advice. Honest, funny, and heart-wrenching, these personal stories are the collective voice of mothers among us. Whether you are one, have one, or know one, Listen to Your Mother is an emotional whirlwind that is guaranteed to entertain, amuse, and enlighten.

Marry Him

  • Filename: marry-him.
  • ISBN: 9781101185209
  • Release Date: 2010-02-04
  • Number of pages: 336
  • Author: Lori Gottlieb
  • Publisher: Penguin



The controversial national bestseller! Nearly forty and single, Lori Gottlieb faced the unthinkable: she'd wasted her best years chasing an elusive Prince Charming who might not even exist. Meanwhile, her friends who'd "settled" for Mr. Good Enough ended up married to excellent husbands and fathers. This is an eye-opening, funny, painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of modern relationships and a wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.

Mommy Man

  • Filename: mommy-man.
  • ISBN: 9781589799233
  • Release Date: 2014-05-08
  • Number of pages: 296
  • Author: Jerry Mahoney
  • Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield



As a teenager growing up in the 1980s, all Jerry Mahoney wanted was a nice, normal sham marriage: 2.5 kids and a frustrated, dissatisfied wife living in denial of her husband’s sexuality. Hey, why not? It seemed much more attainable and fulfilling than the alternative—coming out of the closet and making peace with the fact that he’d never have a family at all. Twenty years later, Jerry is living with his long-term boyfriend, Drew, and they’re ready to take the plunge into parenthood. But how? Adoption? Foster parenting? Kidnapping? What they want most of all is a great story to tell their future kid about where he or she came from. Their search leads them to gestational surrogacy, a road less traveled where they’ll be borrowing a stranger’s ladyparts for nine months. Thus begins Jerry and Drew’s hilarious and unexpected journey to daddyhood. From then on, they’re in uncharted waters. They’re forced to face down homophobic baby store clerks, a hospital that doesn’t know what to do with them, even members of their own family who think what they’re doing is a little nutty. One thing’s for sure. If this all works out, they’re going to have an incredible birth story to tell their kid. With honesty, emotion, and laugh-out-loud humor, Jerry Mahoney ponders what it means to become a Mommy Man . . . and discovers that the answer is as varied and beautiful as the concept of family itself.

Finding Zoe

  • Filename: finding-zoe.
  • ISBN: 9781940363455
  • Release Date: 2014-10-07
  • Number of pages: 288
  • Author: Brandi Rarus
  • Publisher: BenBella Books, Inc.



At just a few months old, Zoe was gradually losing her hearing. Her adoptive parents loved her—yet agonized—feeling they couldn’t handle raising a Deaf child. Would Zoe go back into the welfare system and spend her childhood hoping to find parents willing to adopt her? Or, would she be the long-sought answer to a mother’s prayers? Brandi Rarus was just 6 when spinal meningitis took away her hearing. Because she spoke well and easily adjusted to lip reading, she was mainstreamed in school and socialized primarily in the hearing community. Brandi was a popular, happy teen, but being fully part of every conversation was an ongoing struggle. She felt caught between two worlds—the Deaf and the hearing. In college, Brandi embraced Deaf Culture along with the joys of complete and effortless communication with her peers. Brandi went on to become Miss Deaf America in 1988 and served as a spokesperson for her community. It was during her tenure as Miss Deaf America that Brandi met Tim, a leader of the Gallaudet Uprising in support of selecting the university’s first Deaf president. The two went on to marry and had three hearing boys—the first non-deaf children born in Tim’s family in 125 years. Brandi was incredibly grateful to have her three wonderful sons, but couldn’t shake the feeling something was missing. She didn’t know that Zoe, a six-month-old Deaf baby girl caught in the foster care system, was desperately in need of a family unafraid of her different needs. Brandi found the answer to her prayers when fate brought her new adopted daughter into her life. Set against the backdrop of Deaf America, Finding Zoe is an uplifting story of hope, adoption, and everyday miracles.

Get the Behavior You Want Without Being the Parent You Hate

  • Filename: get-the-behavior-you-want-without-being-the-parent-you-hate.
  • ISBN: 9781617052149
  • Release Date: 2014-08-18
  • Number of pages: 1200
  • Author: Deborah Gilboa, MD
  • Publisher: Demos Medical Publishing



Get the Behavior You Want... Without Being the Parent You Hate! is a roadmap of quick, concrete strategies to help parents use everyday opportunities to create respectful, responsible, and resilient children between the ages of 18 months and 12 yearsówithout screaming or nagging. With Get the Behavior You Want... Without Being the Parent You Hate! youíll know how to eliminate the behaviors you donít want while fostering the behaviors you do want like pitching in around the house, pleasant table manners, managing money, finishing multiple-step assignments, taking risks, asking for help, and coping with bad news. With todayís busy parents in mind, each concise chapter provides easy-to-implement action steps and examples of how to teach respect, responsibility, and resilience plus ways to immediately address tantrums and unacceptable behavior while avoiding future conflicts down the road. Dr. G provides easy ways to modify the advice for children at different developmental stages, ranging from toddlers through kids ready to finish middle school. A hands-on, grab-me-for-a-few-minutes resource, Get the Behavior You Want...Without Being the Parent You Hate! will help parents who are struggling to get to bedtime without tears; parents who want to shop at Target without hearing constant whining and pleading; and parents who want someone to normalize their experience and say, "Yes, this happens. Here's what you can do." Upbeat, lively, and humorous, this book answers parentsí most frequent questions and eliminates the guilt and guesswork out of raising a great kid.

Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

  • Filename: parenting-illustrated-with-crappy-pictures.
  • ISBN: 9781460309865
  • Release Date: 2013-04-01
  • Number of pages: 224
  • Author: Amber Dusick
  • Publisher: Harlequin



"The drawings aren't very good, Mama." —Crappy Boy, age 5 Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.

The Happy Kid Handbook

  • Filename: the-happy-kid-handbook.
  • ISBN: 9780399171819
  • Release Date: 2015-10-20
  • Number of pages: 320
  • Author: Katie Hurley
  • Publisher: Tarcher



"With all the parenting information out there and the constant pressure to be the "perfect" parent, it seems as if many parents have lost track of one very important piece of the parenting puzzle: raising happy kids. Author Katie Hurley shows parents how happiness is the key to raising confident, capable children"--

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